Mike Gets Drawn Together
by PerkyGoth14
Summary: Foxxy Love is asked to stay in a house with other people she doesn't know, but feels empty along the way, she decides to adopt a child named Mike Mavinsky on the way and raise her in the house as her child and to take on anything they both can being in the world's first animated reality show.
1. Prologue

**A/N: I own no one but OC's, I hope everyone is in character. Read & Review!**

* * *

><p>Foxxy Love, a 23-year-old ex-band member of the Foxxy Five. She started to feel lonely lately since her and the other members of her band broke up, so she signed up to live in a house with other housemates. That wouldn't do it, in the process, she felt more lonely. The woman sighed and she wondered what to do as she walked down the sidewalk in the crummy place she lived in where murders are shrugged off as normal, almost everyone is a jerk, and accidents happen on such a frequent basis. Foxxy looked around and she found herself stumbling into foster care.<p>

She heaved a sharp sigh and decided to go inside despite her mind nagging at her to not do such a thing. It was nearly evil to be apart of foster care, she could sort of relate though. Her father abandoned her at a very young age, but she insisted that he was only going out for a pack of cigarettes. She was still sure he was going to return, but it might have been a mental thing to cope with the abandonment of her father and being left alone with her mother and lived with her until she was fourteen.

* * *

><p>"Excuse me, I would like to adopt a child...?" Foxxy came to the front desk.<p>

"Gee? At a foster home? What gave you that inspiration?" the man snorted at her.

Foxxy glared at him. "Just bring me a kid!"

"Alright, alright, don't rob me," the man mumbled a racial stereotype, then took out a book of potentional children to be adopted. "Now, what sort of child are you looking for?"

"Just one that'll keep me happy and busy," Foxxy sighed. "I don't wanna make the same mistakes my parents did."

"Aw, must be tough bein' born in the ghetto, huh?" the man joked again.

Foxxy grabbed his collar. "If y'all don't bring me no kid, I will REALLY bust your ass in this joint!"

"Okay, okay, I'm sorry!" the man panicked, then pushed the call button. "Miss Hannigan, bring in the orphans who DON'T sing."

"Yes, sir!" a sharp female voice said on the other line. There then came a miserable looking woman who had three kids and pushed them in like she were sweeping them and thought of them as garbage and then left.

"These are the best we can do." the man told Foxxy.

Foxxy came over and bent down. There was a girl in a blue dress, puffy brown hair, white tights, and black dress shoes. There was a boy in a sailor suit with curly blonde hair. And there was a girl with ginger pigtails, a red shirt, red skirt, white socks, red and white sneakers and had a golden earring on her right ear. The last girl looked as though she had given up on all hope of being adopted.

"You." Foxxy gestured to that girl specifically.

"Huh?" the pigtailed girl looked up to her.

"What's yo name?"

"Oh, ummm..." the girl dropped her voice low to a whisper and mumbled out the name.

"Speak up, child!" Foxxy demanded.

The girl mumbled again.

"Listen girl, where I come from, you gotta speak within earshot or you'll _get _shot!" Foxxy nearly hissed at the girl. "Now tell me, what is your name!?"

The girl sighed and folded her arms. "Michelene."

The other orphans snickered at her name which made the girl deeply scowl at them and raise her fist.

"My friends call me Mike though." the girl then said.

"What friends?" the boy taunted.

"I'll do it, even if I'll be your new mother." Foxxy stood straight back up, smiling.

"Really?" the girl's eyes lit up.

"Really?" the man, sailor boy, and pretty girl echoed.

"Really," Foxxy confirmed, then took Mike's hand. "Sir, I'd like to adopt this gender confused child!"

"What!?" Mike blinked.

"A black chick adopts a white urchin, it's like backwards Webster." the man filled out forms and handed Foxxy a paper. "Sign here and she's all yours."

"Gladly." Foxxy sat down the sign the forms.

"Umm... Mom?" Mike spoke up, trying to adjust to calling the woman that now since they were now mother and daughter.

"Now, now, you ain't gonna call me that now," Foxxy turned to her. "You will call me 'Mama Foxxy'."

"Alright, sounds cool!" Mike beamed. "So, Mama Foxxy... I'm not gender confused, I'm a girl, I just hate my name..."

"We'll see about that, now we better get going to both our new home," Foxxy said, handing the form to the man to stamp it and make them an official family.

"Both our new home?" Mike repeated. "Whatcha talkin' 'bout, Mama Foxxy?"

"Mama Foxxy is going to live in a new house with new people for a reality show challenge," Foxxy explained with a smile after she got the adoption papers back. "You, me, and new friends! Don't they sound good?"

Mike smiled. "It does sound pretty good... I'll get my things and meet you outside!" she rushed off.

"What a sweet little gender confused child 'o mine..." Foxxy sounded pleased.

"Umm... Ma'am?" the girl from before tried to get her attention. "Are ya sure you don't wanna adopt a little sweetie who likes to sew all the time?"

"Or a boy who would take care of you whenever you'd get sick?" the boy added.

"BEAT IT, URCHINS!" Foxxy yelled and sprayed them to make them go back to wherever they came from. "Little suck-up, parent-less, bastards..." she mumbled under her breath.

"Okay, I'm ready!" Mike called back as she had her backpack and a few bags.

"Good, come on, Mike, we're going home." Foxxy smiled, helping her with her things and going with her to get out of Foster Care and to the new house.


	2. Hot Tub

It was Day One for going to live in the house with seven other people, making Foxxy and Mike numbers eight and nine. Hopefully this would work out. They were running late due to Foxxy's unscheduled stop at Foster Care and adopting her new daughter.

"I hope we ain't too late..." Foxxy murmured.

"Do you know who else is gonna be living here?" Mike asked her new mother.

"According to what I heard, some guy being a superhero, a video game guy, a princess, a watchamacallit, an internet meme, a battle monster, and a sex symbol." Foxxy answered the best she could.

"I hope the hero's Action Guy," Mike hugged herself, smiling. "He's been my idol since third grade when my old foster mom let me watch violent cartoons!"

"Old foster mom?"

"Yeah, I've been in an old foster family after my real parents died when I was four," Mike sighed a little. "I lived with them in New York, and then we moved to this place called Peach Creek, and somehow I got here..."

"Well you have no worries, Foxxy Mama's gonna look after ya a lot better than Foxxy's own mama!" Foxxy assured her new daughter.

"I hope so, I don't remember my real parents, but I really miss them..." Mike smiled sadly.

"It'll be okay." Foxxy smiled back, then rang the doorbell on their new house.

"This looks pretty cool," Mike looked around. "Look, there's even a pool and hot tub!"

* * *

><p>Mike and Foxxy went inside. Foxxy shook hands with the video game character as the hero zipped in and a couple of the other woman came to meet them. Mike was a little disappointed the hero wasn't Action Guy, but this one would have to do for now, she guessed.<p>

"Oh, I'm glad you're finally here," the princess in a purple gown came to meet Mike and Foxxy. "And this girl must be from the mansion you formerlly worked at, she dresses a little trashy. But anyway, would you be a dear and fetch my bags, servant girl?"

Mike and the others gasped instantly as the princess just said that. Why would she call Foxxy such a thing?

"I didn't know you were a maid, Mama Foxxy." Mike blinked. She clearly wasn't as narrow-minded as the brunette princess.

Foxxy was too shocked to even speak after that. "Excuse me?" she finally decided to speak up and looked a bit cross with what she was asked to do. "_What _did you just call me? Servant Girl!?"

"Oh, many pardons, or 'my bad'," the princess was trying to be friendly, but was clearly being racist towards the African-American joining to live in the house, then looked down to Mike. "What do those people call themselves these days? 'Mammy'? 'Moody'? 'Topsy'? 'Shugie'?"

"I think you better stop talking..." Mike glanced at her. Not even Lu was this rude to her and was claiming to be a princess.

The pig broke the awkward silence and started laughing out loud. "Oh, my God!"

"What's so funny?" Mike looked to him.

"Isn't it obvious?" the pig asked her, still laughing. "Clara thinks she's our servant, 'cuz she's black!" he kept laughing hysterically. "Oh, man, this is the best day of my miserable life!"

"This is probably gonna get ugly," Mike stepped back and looked down to see the battle monster. "Ohmigosh, the Ling-Ling battle monster! Next to Action Guy, you're my favorite cartoon _ever_!"

Ling-Ling spoke in gibberish to her.

"Yeah, it's really nice to meet you, you gave my annoying cousins a seizure once on Thanksgiving when we watched you since Mom wouldn't let me watch football in the kid's room." Mike beamed while Clara and Foxxy started fighting and Captain Hero tried to separate them.

Ling-Ling blinked and spoke again, smiling. "You have exerrent taste."

"Thanks, I even got my trading card collection," Mike took out a pack of cards with various other battle monsters. "You're the only card I won't trade, you're small but full of spunk and rage! I might not watch you much, but you're my favorite battle monster!"

Ling-Ling bowed to her, feeling praised and accepted, then jumped up in her arms, hugging her face, not tearing her apart or trying to rip out her guts like his enemies. "What you same your name was?"

"I'm Mike, Foxxy's my new mother, she adopted me." Mike explained in the hug.

"Foxxy scaly when angly." Ling-Ling pointed as Foxxy was nearly beating Clara with her tambarouine.

"Remind me to never rebel against her when it's my 13th birthday..." Mike said, her voice wavering.

The pig known as Spanky Ham kept laughing.

"What's so funny, pig?" Mike glared at him.

Spanky laughed, then looked to her with a smile. "I love racism! Excuse me a moment," he went as Foxxy and Clara were fighting aggressively after Captain Hero was forced to stay out of it, Spanky dropped his pants. "I got dibs on the cat fight!"

"You're cracked..." Mike rolled her eyes, walking away from him, then saw the black and white girl. "Hey! Are you Toot Braunstein?"

"Oh, you know who I am?" the girl smiled at her.

"Yeah, my granny used to watch you a lot when she was younger." Mike answered, smiling.

* * *

><p><em><strong>Flashback<strong>_

_We see a black and white image like a 1950's cigarette commercial with a girl with long hair tied in a big hair bow and ponytail with a short-sleeved shirt, a long skirt, knee socks and black dress shoes. There is an image of a younger Toot on screen and even doing a pole dance._

_"Hot ziggity!" the young future old lady praised._

_**End of Flashback**_

* * *

><p>"Well, it's nice to be appreciated and loved by someone," Toot smiled, then glared at the video game character Xandir and made her voice high and loud to get his attention. "DIDJA HEAR THAT, DUNGEONS AND DOUCHE BAG!?"<p>

"Huh?" Xandir turned his head as he was about to go on the telephone again.

Foxxy came to Mike, rearranging her breasts into her tight fitting top. "Don't worry about Mama Foxxy, Mike, that bitch ain't gonna hurt us no more."

"I'm sorry Princess Clara was mean to you, but who needs her, huh?" Mike asked as she kept Ling-Ling in her arms like he was a pet to her now.

"You and me are gonna get along just fine." Foxxy gently ruffled up her hair, smiling and proud to be the girl's new mother.

Mike let Ling-Ling back on the floor and went with Foxxy to get settled in the room they would sleep in. It was now silent though after the fight. After the fight, in Xandir's words, things got super uncomfortable. It seemed to be lonely and depressing even though there were nine people in the house now. Toot was drearily cutting herself, even that seemed to be boring to her.

* * *

><p>"<em>If I stayed in the orphanage, I'd probably be eating cold gruel right now sitting behind a dumpster...<em>" Mike sighed as she sat away from Foxxy and was in the confession room.

_**Mike Mavinsky-Love, 12, Orphan Adopted By Mystery Solving Musician**_

"No one wanted to be my friend in the orphanage," Mike's eyes only met the floor and not the main camera. "I had friends in New York, but they left me in a postcard they sent to me... Max and Melissa... Then I joined an exchange student program and met these kids, Lu and Og. After that adventure, we mvoed to a cul-de-sac and I met Ed, Edd, and Eddy... After I found out I was adopted, my foster parents just left me and I wound up here and adopted by someone like Foxxy Love... I can't go on anymore..." Mike sounded severely depressed right now and sounded like she was on the verge of suicide. "Cut the camera, please..."

* * *

><p>Mike came out of the room and looked up to see Captain Hero, Xandir, and Wooldoor with boxes filled with alcoholic beverages.<p>

"Hey, Michelle, Foxxy just bought us booze!" Wooldoor called.

"My name is _Mike_..." the tomboy with pigtails glanced at him.

"Whatever, have some!" Wooldoor handed her a bottle.

Mike took it, blinked, and looked back. "But I'm only twelve!"

"Hey, kid, what have ya got to loose?" Toot came over. "You know how I looked so thin back in my glory days?"

"Yeah?" Mike asked as she pinched her nose about how horrible the liquor smelled.

"Booze helped!" Toot chirped. "I drank so much of it that I threw up almost everyday and I was the beautiful woman that everyone remembered me as!"

"Yikes..." Mike blinked.

"Come on, Michelle, drink!" Wooldoor cheered.

"My name is Mike!" the girl growled, then she shrugged and took a drink. To her surprise, despite being under-aged, she was able to drink it without any problems. Why did her parents and teachers always tell her not to do this stuff?

* * *

><p>Everyone else except for Princess Clara then started to drink. Foxxy even made it okay for Mike to join them since she was considered Mike's mother now. This had to be the most fun she ever had in her life. Toot even took 'balloon shots' which were blown up balloons filled with rum in them and drank it. She then giggled and fell, hit the table and started to bleed, which made everyone only laugh and jeer about it.<p>

The gang got their money together as they had a little net match between a couple of purple smurfs who were trying to kill each other. The group were getting their swimsuits on. Mike wore a smaller leopard skin bikini that Foxxy let her borrow and they went to the house's hot tub, still drinking like there was no tomorrow.

"This is the life..." Spanky leaned back in content.

"This has to be the most fun I've ever had in the history of my existence..." Mike said, then burped a little, and leaned back with a sloppy smile on her face due to heavy drinking.

Wooldoor got trapped inside one of Spanky's bubbles and was starting to float around and drift. Finally, Clara decided to come out, she had her swimsuit on, but still had her tiara on and had a towel in her arms as Mike and the others were hitting each other with pool noodles.

"What do _you _want?" Mike leaned over the edge of the tub, looking up to Clara, still looking a little dazed.

"What is it, baby?" Foxxy asked as she took a break with hitting.

"Look what the slut kitten dragged in." Mike pointed.

Foxxy looked over her shoulder, then gave Clara her middle finger, looking very angered still. Clara saw that and started to walk away in a bit of sadness.

"Oh, Xandir!" Toot came over to the video game hero. "I hope you don't push me in, cuz I'm REALLY, really close to the edge!" she said, then purposely dropped herself into the water and trying to get his attention.

"Boy, she needs help..." Mike rested her head against her folded arms as she still rested along the edge and let out another burp. "Why do I taste defecated cantaloupe?"

"HA!" Spanky was heard.

Mike went over to Toot. "Hey, listen, I know this sounds crazy, but I kinda know how to get a guy to like you?"

"Really, how?" Toot followed her inside the house to talk a minute.

* * *

><p>Mike slid her feet into her shoes and sat with Toot at the table. "Okay, in my New York foster family that took my biological family's name, but mispronounced it as 'Mazinsky', I had this older cousin Rita who was like a big sister to me, foster or not."<p>

"Get to the point!" Toot grabbed her top, looking a little angered. "How do I win a guy like him!?"

"Okay, okay, stop," Mike got Toot to let her go. "She always said; 'If you like a guy, ignore him, but if you want him to stop liking you, give him your undivided attention'."

"What!?" Toot cried out. "I can't not pay attention to him! How will he know I like him?"

"I know it sounds crazy, but it works!" Mike defended. "I mean, my friend Eddy had this big crush on me, but I never even noticed until my foster mom and our friends told me! I even kissed him after our Christmas special."

"I see..." Toot nodded.

"What's this guy's deal, anyway?" Mike asked. "Is he gay? Some guy shoot his dog?"

Toot sniffled. "He says he's on some never-ending quest to rescue his_ girlfriend_!"

"Oh, uhh... Toot, you might wanna leave him alone then... She might get jealous...Wherever she is..."

"I just say let the bitch fry!" Toot slouched back, folding her arms.

Mike sighed, shaking her head. "I'm sorry, Toot, I know you wanna be happy, but that's just life. Here, you look hungry..." she handed a plate of small cheeses like at a party.

"Thanks, Mike, you're a true friend!" Toot beamed, she took the whole plate instead of the one cheese offering and ate the whole thing, and plucked the cheese out of Mike's fingers and ate that too.

The phone then rang.

"I'll get it!" Mike stepped aside from Toot wolfing down all the food aggressively. "Hello? Who is this?"

"_This is Xandir's girlfriend._" the other voice on the line said.

"Oh, hey." Mike greeted with a deadpan look on her face due to the girl coming between Mike's new friend's happiness.

"_Is Xandir there?_"

Mike was about to answer honestly and she didn't want to hurt Xandir this way, but she knew how upset Toot was because she really wanted Xandir. "Actually, he's busy with his new girlfriend right now."

"_WHAT!?_"

"Yeah," Mike smirked a little evilly. The alcohol must have been getting to her. "He's never talked about YOU before!"

"_Excuse me? He's on a never-ending quest to save me!_"

"Sorry, toots, ya just got out loved!" Mike grinned darkly.

"_Well, we'll see about that!_" The next sound was a dial tone.

* * *

><p>Mike hung up the phone and walked back outside to join everyone. Clara was heard crying and Spanky went to cheer her up, at least that's what Mike thought he was doing. Mike then got back into the water next to Foxxy.<p>

"Hey, babe, you okay?" Foxxy asked as she was relaxing with a wine glass in her hand.

"Being on this show makes me feel queasy." Mike murmured.

"Ah, you'll get over it, come sit with Mama..." Foxxy moved her glass and put her arm around Mike.

Mike smiled and nuzzled against Foxxy, feeling a very warm and comforting feeling when she would be around the woman. Mike woke up when Foxxy greeted the princess of the house.

Clara joined them. "I want to apologize." she said, sliding inside the tub with Foxxy, Mike, and Xandir and Ling-Ling was knocked out.

"Aww, you can apologize..." Foxxy said to her, then got sassy again. "By shuttin' the fuck up."

"I don't blame you for being mad, Foxxy," Clara looked down shyly. "After all, your people DO have terrible tempers. It must be so frustrating that you're not as boyant as regular people. Heck, two separate water fountains just mean shorter lines for everybody, and Father always made us cut off those plastic six pack holders so they wouldn't get lodged in your people's blowholes. Father is so wise..."

Foxxy grew animated back then and set Mike on a side so she wouldn't fall through the water after going towards the princess. "Girl, Foxxy Love's gonna teach you how to open up your mind. And your mouth..." she then looked back to her adoptive daughter. "Mike, let Mama Foxxy also show you how you can have the best of both worlds and not give a damn what anyone else thinks."

Mike slowly nodded, her eyes then widened as Foxxy turned back to Clara and started to violently make out with Clara. Everyone was shocked, but Mike looked interested. She had been holding back, she never told the other housemates this, but she had a little lesbian urge as well.

During her stay in the cul-de-sac, she found out about Marie Kanker's true feelings about boys and that she had opened up to Mike. This moment made her think of her first kiss from a girl, it may have been a surprise that came from nowhere, but it was actually the best kiss she had ever had in her life. Clara tried to fight Foxxy's French kiss, but she soon gave up and was enjoying the kiss.

Mike noticed and remembered how she liked Marie Kanker's kiss better than Eddy Sampson's. She had to wondered what that meant. She and Eddy dated for a year into junior high school during her time. Was she a lesbian by that assumption? She wasn't sure. Spanky video taped it, Captain Hero seemed aroused, and Xandir was looking at the back of a Cosmopolitan magazine like this was totally boring and unnecessary.

* * *

><p>The next morning, everyone was totally miserable. Mike was dressed in her normal clothes and started throwing up violently into the toilet.<p>

"Oh, man, never again..." Mike mumbled, then continued to puke up. "Ugh, my stomach feels like it's being burned alive."

"Hey, Mike," Toot walked by. "Let me know when you're done."

"Fine... Could you hold my pigtails back before I go again?" Mike asked, her mouth covered in her own vomit.

Toot came right over and held the girl's pigtails back, allowing her to throw up a bit more. "You think this is bad, you should see what happens when you're 21!"

"I don't think I wanna live that long..." Mike muttered, then threw up a bit more. She didn't for more seconds and decided she was done. "Okay... I think I'm done..." she flushed the toilet, then decided to wash her face and brush her teeth.

"You know, Mike, you look better without pigtails." Toot complimented.

Mike brushed her teeth and looked to see Toot still held back her double ponytails. Her hair was short now and looked more like a boy. "Hey, you're right! Ya know, since I got a new home, maybe I need a new look." she took her pigtails back and spit in the sink and wiped her mouth with a towel.

* * *

><p>Mike and Toot walked outside, Toot had a bag of potato chips as Xandir was stretching outside. They had the usual introduction which annoyed Toot to a full degree. Toot ignored him, trying to do what Mike taught her to do and just kept walking.<p>

"Hey, Xandir," Mike greeted with her double ponytails now tied into a single one and down. "Your girlfriend called last night."

"SHE DID!?" Xandir gasped. "Oh, my God! Wait! Okay, what did she say?"

"Yeah, it was uhh... The exact location of where you could go to save her..."

"W-Why didn't you get me!?"

"You were so busy," Mike smirked. "I didn't wanna bother you... Now, why don't you go talk with Toot to probably cheer up?"

Xandir was having a big spasm and couldn't believe this. He acted as though it was the worst day of his life. Mike thought Wendell and Double D were the ones to over react, this was just ridiculous.

"Ugh, Toot owes me big time for this." Mike muttered under her breath.

* * *

><p>Later that day, Foxxy was doing Mike's hair.<p>

"Mama Foxxy, how was Princess Clara's kiss?" Mike asked, holding her knees as Foxxy was kneeling over her to do her hair. "I mean, you kissed her... Is that why you adopted me?" Mike was basically asking the mystery solving musician if she were a lesbian.

"Huh? Oh, no, Mike that's not why Mama Foxxy adopted y'all," Foxxy said as she was brushing against the girl's red hair that nearly matched her clothing. "Mama Foxxy adopted ya 'cuz she felt lonely lately... And white girl don't kiss too bad, I guess."

"So, is it okay to be a lesbian?"

"I'm not lesbian."

Mike looked up to her. "But you kissed Clara!"

"I know, but I am a bisexual," Foxxy explained to her.

"What?"

"Oh, you're twelve, you probably don't know what that means," Foxxy took out a band to tie up Mike's hair. "Bisexual means, I like BOTH girls and boys... You don't have to like just one. You're young, you'll know and understand when you're older."

"Oh, I see..." Mike blinked, not admitting anything to Foxxy yet since they had only known each other a day and being in the house for a couple of days.

"I'm gonna talk to Clara after this, why don't you stay in here and finish your homework?" Foxxy tied Mike's hair into a better ponytail than the one she made herself and went for the door.

"I'm not even in school!" Mike called in defense.

"Do your _homework_, young lady!" Foxxy yelled back, then slammed the door.

Mike winced, then sighed, shaking her head. She then grabbed Foxxy's mirror and looked at herself. She smiled and felt proud of herself and her new look and wondered what futures await her in this house of the place called Drawn Together.


	3. Clara's Dirty Little Secret

One normal evening in the Drawn Togther house, Mike was with Ling-Ling looking for snacks together. Mike kept her hair in the ponytail like she said she was going to do from now on.

"Ugh, why dirty dishes always in sink?" Ling-Ling growled at the display in the kitchen.

"Man, these are really gross!" Mike cringed. "Ling-Ling and I aren't your maids, people!" she decided to do up the dishes, then looked over her shoulder to see all the attention in the living room was on Princess Clara tonight for some reason. Mike then went over and saw Toot was mad that the boys were drooling over the princess. "What's going on?"

Toot scoffed with her arms folded. "Clara's talkin' 'bout gettin' Foxxy's tongue in the hot tub."

"Again?" Mike glared at Spanky and Captain Hero while Xandir braided the princess's hair.

"When suddenly, she grabbed me, and forced my soaking wet body up against hers..." Clara narrated with a dreamy look in her eye. "I shudder with desire as my eager young body melted into hers..."

"We're outta here." Mike went off with Toot to the girl's bedroom.

* * *

><p>Toot slammed the door shut after Mike went ahead of her. "Dammit, Clara's pissing me off more than sour cream!"<p>

"Mama Foxxy..." Mike tried to get her adoptive mother's attention as the woman had headphones on. "Mama Foxxy!"

"I mean, Clara won't shut up about that stupid kiss!" Toot continued to rant. "I mean, who cares, right?"

Foxxy still didn't answer and was in the flow of the music she was listening to.

"Hey, stop listening to that crappy hip hop music, I'm talkin' to you!" Toot snatched the headphones off.

"Music?" Foxxy scoffed, then took out a CD cover. "Girl, that's a book on tape... 'Clara's Story: How I Kissed a Black Girl, as read by Droopy Dog'."

Toot blinked, then took a listen.

"Mike, have you decided if you're a lesbian yet?" Foxxy asked her daughter.

"I don't know..." Mike sighed. "I never really kissed any girl besides Marie Kanker back in Peach Creek. Does a kiss really make it official?"

"It usually does, hon," Foxxy ruffled up her hair. "You usually feel something with a good kiss, it's usually a tingly feeling that could either mean you really love the person back... Either that or you got a pain in the butt yeast infection."

"I'm gonna have to talk to Clara about this," Toot growled, removing her headphones, then stormed off. "I'll downsize her and then everyone in this house will love me!" she slammed the door again.

"Period?" Mike looked over to her adoptive mother.

Foxxy shrugged. "Anyway, you'll know when the feeling comes... If you wanna be a lesbian, I'll be happy either way, Foxxy don't judge, especially family... Your granddaddy will be here any minute to come meet ya..."

"Didn't he 'go out for a pack of cigarettes'?" Mike used airquotes.

"Uh-huh, but give him time, he'll be here." Foxxy smiled reassuringly.

Mike sighed, feeling that Foxxy's father was never coming back, but she couldn't tell her new mother that. It might crush her. "Mama Foxxy, I'm not sure..."

"You can always experiment, dear, when we get you to college, there'll be plenty of time for that." Foxxy smiled fondly, being a good mother and kissed her daughter's forehead. "It's late, why don't you get some sleep? I'll brush your hair."

"Thanks, Mama Foxxy."

* * *

><p>The next morning, Mike was watching television, but could only find the rerun for the pilot episode on nearly every channel. She then was wondering if she was gay or not, but wasn't really sure what to do or what to think about herself.<p>

"Mike, turn off the TV, I have to have a talk with you and the other housemates." Foxxy walked into the room, turning off the television before Mike could do anything.

"What did I do?" Mike sounded worried.

"It's nothing you did, honey child, Clara thinks she was pregnant with my baby because we kissed, now Mama Foxxy has to set this straight," Foxxy gathered the others into the living room. "How old are you now?"

"Twelve."

"Right, so you haven't had the talk yet."

"Actually, I have-"

"Great, now quiet so I can talk to everyone."

Mike sighed, she loved Foxxy, but sometimes the woman needed to learn to listen to other things said. After everyone was together, Foxxy allowed Mike to sit on her lap as Toot sat on the arm of the couch and the others sat on the floor.

"Class is in session," Foxxy told everyone. "And if you ain't careful, you must just learn somethin'. Now, mens and womens is very different... You see, men are born with a special pee-pee..."

Mike blinked, trying to listen to everything her adoptive mother was saying. Xandir looked excited to hear about the men parts for some reason.

"And women are born with a vagina," Foxxy then got to the female part. "I like to call it a gift. Piggy rhyme with puppet... But not very well..."

Wooldoor shook his head in agreement.

"What?" Mike glanced at her in confusion.

"Now, when the man and woman love each other very much, they do a special hug which can feel REAAAL nice... Sometimes feels with a man's hands wrapped around your neck..." Foxxy told them which made everyone nod passionately. "During this special hug, the man places his pee-pee inside the woman's gift... And that's how two people who _love _each other very, very much make, well, a friendship..."

Mike looked over to see there were two naked adults who were separating and had showed the housemates a living example of a sexual education class. "This was the most disturbing moment of my life."

"So, you see, Clara, you can't make a baby from a kiss." Foxxy said to the princess.

"But, but, but..." Clara sounded disappointed and ran off in tears out of the doorway.

* * *

><p>That night, Mike looked at herself in the mirror. She even tried to imagine herself without a ponytail. She wondered if she should also keep her hair short. She really seemed to be growing fond of the female sex instead of the opposite like a 'normal' person. Foxxy said she wouldn't judge her, but she was still scared inside. There was screaming heard upstairs suddenly.<p>

"Toot?" Mike called.

"Mike!?" Toot called back.

The two girls came to each other. "What's that screaming about?" they asked each other, then saw that neither of them knew.

"Oh," Mike then said. "I guess we better check it out."

"Maybe Clara's finally killing Foxxy!" Toot sprouted.

Mike and Toot went upstairs to check out the noise, then they screamed themselves. There was a green tentacle monster that seemed to have been coming from under Clara's dress skirt.

"Stop screaming, you're scaring it!" Clara tried to warn them. She then soothed the tentacles as they had destroyed the make-up, shelves, and the toilet.

"I'm not the only one seeing this, right...?" Mike looked nervously as the monster settled down.

The monster was calmed down now and went back up Clara's dress.

"You're probably wondering about my 'octopussior'," Clara saw the alarmed looks on their faces. "It's French..."

"What is it?" Mike asked.

"I never shared this story with anyone before," Clara sighed. "The only way I can get it out is through interpretive dance." She then stepped back a little and did a little dance to explain the story of her 'monster inside between her legs'.

"Really," Foxxy somehow got it together. "When you was but a child, your evil step-father put a curse on your vagina?"

"What?" Clara sounded offended. "Weren't you paying attention? My evil step-_mother_, _mother _placed a curse on me."

"Duh!" Toot scoffed to Foxxy.

"I never liked step-parents..." Mike folded her arms and shook her head.

"I never understood why she did it..." Clara grew sad now. "No man will ever wanna enjoy this special hug with me. She did it so I'd never find my true love!" she started to cry and buried her face into her hands. "Please, please don't tell anybody. I must ask you guys to keep this secret with a pinky promise."

"How _old _are you?" Mike looked at her oddly.

"20, now please, for me?" Clara looked desperate.

Mike shrugged, then did her promise.

"I pinky swear." Foxxy gave in as well.

Toot looked annoyed. "Fine, I pinky swear..."

The monster let out a tentacle to promise with them. There was then a knock at the door.

"Hey, Clara?" It was Captain Hero's voice. "Toot told me you have a monster vagina and we wanna have a house meeting about it."

The others looked to the black and white girl. How was that even possible?

"Oopsy doopsie, I couldn't help myself!" Toot put her hands to her face.

Clara had shown the guys what it looked like down there and to her surprise, everyone was actually pretty accepting of it. Mike wasn't sure what to make of it though. Toot was still angry though of all of Clara's attention and wanted them to be disgusted of her secret, they were always of her, why not that? Toot then purposely scared the vagina monster to try to scare the housemates, which worked just as Mike came downstairs.

"Mike, we gotta run!" Spanky told the girl.

The vagina monster had eaten Wooldoor and a cameraman. Mike was now scared and ran off with Xandir, Captain Hero, and Spanky. Everything hd changed now since everyone realized they were living with a monster. There were light traps, barbed wire around the yard, and bars all over the windows. There were even sharks in the pool now. The others were now in a closed door together as Ling-Ling was aggressively doing the dishes.

* * *

><p>"Hey, Mike, check it out." Spanky whispered to the girl, then lifted his leg and he chuckled.<p>

"What? What's so-" Mike asked, then instantly plugged her nose. "Aw, crap, Spanky!"

Captain Hero shushed them. "Toot's talking."

"And that's the story of the beast that lived between Clara's legs." Toot finished a story to tell the others while they were locked up.

After that story, Captain Hero started to write in his diary.

"Dude, what're you doing?" Mike looked over, her nose still pinched.

"These are _my _dreams!" Captain Hero slammed his book shut, glaring at her. "MINE!"

Xandir shushed them harshly as a shadow came up to the door. A tentacle came through the crack of the door and was reaching for the video game character. It hissed at him a few times and slipped back under the door and Xandir broke down crying.

"Alright, I've had enough." Mike spoke up.

"Mike's right, ya know, this, this is no way to live," Spanky agreed. "I refuse to just sit around waiting to be swallowed whole by a giant vagina!..." he then paused a bit with a pleasant look on his face, then shrugged it off.

"Eh, the pig and transsexual boy are right," Captain Hero said as he had an arm around Xandir. "But, what can we do?"

"Did he just call me a transsexual boy?" Mike sounded defensive now.

"Know what you can do?" Ling-Ling spoke up. "Do your own dishes, asshole!"

"Ling-Ling's right, dammit!" Toot stood up from her stool. "We must kill the beast!"

"It's okay, I understood you." Mike said to Ling-Ling, giving him a hand.

"Kill the beast!" Captain Hero proclaimed.

"Kill the beast!" Xandir echoed.

"Misinterpret Ling-Ling!" Spanky shouted.

"Oh, boy..." Mike muttered.

* * *

><p>The girl was dragged into this mess as the others were gathering weapons to take care of Clara while Foxxy was nowhere to be seen. They gathered outside the girl's room of the house. Toot had an old-fashioned gun like in hunting movies, Spanky had a torch, Xandir and Captain Hero both had pitchforks, and Mike was forced to hold a noose.<p>

"This is always hard to say, especially to your friend, but we're here to kill your vagina." Spanky declared calmly.

"Don't you guys dare!" Foxxy stood up.

"Well, she's my mother now, I have to respect her wishes." Mike dropped the noose and went to Clara and Foxxy's sides.

"I understand Mike has to do what you think is right, but that monster is dead meat!" Captain Hero sneered.

"How're you gonna get us out of this one, Foxxy Mama?" Mike asked her adoptive mother.

"Don't you worry, child, Foxxy was a mystery solving musician in her day and she knows a clever way out of this, do Foxxy a favor and get a pie, a neck-brace, and a flashlight." the woman told her.

Mike questioned why, but did as told and came back with them. Foxxy put on the neck-brace, held out the slice of pie in one hand and held a flashlight over it, which got everyone's attention. The others now wondered where Clara had went and even Toot admitted she was confused now. They all then left Foxxy and Mike alone to track down Clara.

"What was that all about?" Mike looked up to her adoptive mother, very confused.

"All apart of the plan, shugah." Foxxy smirked, having outwitted her housemates like the animal she was a hybrid of.

"Now what do we do?"

"Well, while Clara's being chased by the mob, it's my responsibility as a mystery solving musician to play the song number."

"You mean like in Scooby-"

Foxxy covered her mouth, but nodded. A song came on like in 1960's cartoons with the mystery solving gang and an animal that usually ripped-off Scooby Doo. Foxxy and Mike had tambourines, Clara shook maracas while her tentacles played the keyboard, Toot played guitar, Ling-Ling played the drums, while Captain Hero and Spanky were by the microphones. Foxxy and Mike then tracked Clara down to get her away from the chase and went into the bathroom of the house, leaning against the door.

* * *

><p>"I didn't understand that song, but it was bad," Mike smiled, meaning that in a good way. "Don't worry, Clara, you'll be safe in here."<p>

There was now pounding on the door from the other side however. This didn't look good. Foxxy then had an idea and put a Do Not Disturb sign over the doorknob to get everyone away, at least for a little while.

"There's gotta be a way to break this curse," Mike said to the princess in distress. "Clara, don't you have to kiss your one true love at sunset or something?"

"I'm sorry, but the only person who knows how to break the curse is my evil step-mother, and I can't ask her," Clara replied. "We're in a fight."

Suddenly an axe came from behind the door, but didn't hit any of the girls inside the room.

"Well make up already!" Mike yelped.

Clara was hesitant, but she went to do just that. She put in earbuds connected to a mirror, most likely a magic one due to Clara's heritage as a fairy tale princess. Foxxy and Mike watched as Clara was getting into a fight with her step-mother, not seeming to make the situation any better. They were running out of time.

Though now, Clara was in sudden sadness. Mike was right based on what she knew about fairy tales growing up, Clara had to undo the curse with her one true love and the kiss would make it go away forever.

"That's it!" Mike and Foxxy chirped.

"Come on, girl, let's break that curse and find your Prince Charming." Foxxy smirked.

"But, how?" Clara asked.

* * *

><p>Foxxy set up a bunch of single men in a style of the popular reality program called The Bachelor, but Clara was going to be a bachelorette. Clara had on a glossy pink gown with a magenta gem necklace as she was going to find her true love to break her dreaded vaginal curse.<p>

"Gentlemen, welcome to tonight's elimination ceremony," Spanky told the men as he wore a tux and stood next to Mike in a red gown with white opera gloves and black flats. "If you receive a rose, step forward, and kiss Princess Clara."

"On her octopus..." Mike cringed slightly. "If your kiss indeed breaks the curse, then you are Clara's prince charming."

"Now, I choose," Clara smiled as she looked to the eight remaining men. "Bob... Please step forward."

The man with a pointed nose with curly light brown hair and a green bow tie came over, feeling excited. He had a bounce in his steps which made everyone laugh. He took the rose and kissed one of Clara's tentecles, but it made him throw up instantly.

The next man, with short blonde hair did the same, but his results were the same. The frisky brown-haired man with a beard threw up in his hands instantly. Captain Hero even tried, but threw up into the pool. One of the men made out with Toot and threw up over her shoulder, Toot looked as though she expected that type of reaction.

"Clara, gentlemen, there's only one rose left from our gender confused foster child." Spanky informed as he stood next to Mike again.

Mike rolled her eyes at him.

"You, sir," Clara looked to the dashing looking man in the room who came with his own cape and looked very royal. "What is your name?"

"I am a Prince Charming and I am here to find my Princess..." the man bowed, speaking with an exotic French accent.

"Am I the only one who thinks this guy looks like the prince from that mermaid movie?" Mike looked into the camera after catching a glimpse of the prince.

Clara only sighed dreamily. "I think he's perfect..."

"Of course you would." Mike rolled her eyes.

Clara smiled and took the rose, speaking to the prince. "Would you accept this rose?"

"No, I shall not," the prince declined, much to everyone's shock, but then he got down on one knee and smiled charmingly again. "Because this rose is for you..."

Clara sighed again and everyone awed. Prince Charming kissed Clara's tentacle and everyone watched as he and Clara were flying in the air now.

"Gotta love fireworks." Mike commented.

"You don't care, do you?" Spanky asked her.

"Nah, this romance mush isn't for me, I never really had a crush on a boy, sure, lots of guys liked me, but I never had a crush on any back," Mike shrugged. "The last time my boyfriend back in the cul-de-sac kissed me, I didn't feel anything... He was gone for a while because he was visiting relatives..."

"You are one messed up kid, Michelene." Spanky laughed out loud.

"Call me that again and we're having bacon for breakfast and a knuckle sandwich for you, Porky wannabe." Mike grabbed his collar, raising an iron fist in her other hand.

Spanky still laughed. "Anger's a good look for ya."

Clara and Prince Charming came down after a magical blast and they looked into each other's eyes. Clara felt like she finally met her true love, but she lifted her dress and saw she still had a monster in her vagina. However, now Prince Charming had a curse, he had tentacles sprouting out from his pants.

"And that, Mike is why you aren't allowed to kiss your true love without MY approval." Foxxy told her foster daughter.

"I'll get cursed?" Mike asked.

"No, you'll get an STD." Foxxy lectured, even if that was a completely wrong moral.

"Uh, okay..." Mike tilted her head. "Clara, we're really sorry..."

"It's okay, really," Clara smiled. "Don't you all see? This is true love's form," she came to her prince. "We're meant for each other and only each other. Look, our genitalia are totally hitting it off!"

"I don't know whether to be disgusted or accepting..." Mike commented.

Clara smiled, about to kiss her prince, but he stormed off.

"Whoa, whoa, whoa, this was not part of the deal!"

"Hey, buddy, you wanted Clara, you got her!" Mike huffed.

"Are you kidding, child? Look at my penis!" Prince Charming growled.

"I'm pretty sure asking a minor to look at your privates is illegal." Mike deadpanned to him then.

"I cannot go on like this, this is not charming!" the prince walked off with a shotgun.

"What do you mean!?" Foxxy blurted out.

"Not on the new rug!" Spanky cried.

Everyone grunted and looked away as the trigger was pulled and blasted instantly. The prince came back though to make sure the gun worked before he would blow his 'charming' brains out. The prince pulled the trigger again, but it went off more like a cartoon and there was no blood and gore and the prince fell into the pool.

However, the pool caught into instant fire and Clara's vagina was angry now. Toot and the others wanted to kill Clara again, but they all actually decided to sit down and talk. The monster actually seemed to be helpful and much to Ling-Ling's enjoyment, it could do the dishes.

* * *

><p>"You know it's like my grandfather used to say," Spanky smiled as they all sat down like a family. "It's not what's on the outside of a monster vagina, but on the inside that counts."<p>

Everyone shared a laugh together, then Wooldoor spewed himself out from inside Clara's vagina, covered in white, slimy stuff.


	4. Gay Bash

Mike was with Xandir and Ling-Ling in the kitchen nook. It would have been normal if it wasn't for Captain Hero clipping his toenails which were bouncing all around and cracking cups just as good as any old bullets. It even broke the ceiling to the upstairs bathroom.

"You'll shoot someone's eye out!" Mike yelled to the superhero, more annoyed with him than liking him now to his living habits.

"Hey, who left their Golden Ring of Kuldar in the f***ing crapper?" Toot barged in, angrily.

"Guilty!" Xandir called out, chuckling. "Sorry..."

"Oh, is this yours...?" Toot asked, rather sweetly, though seductively.

"Obviously." Mike declared.

"Stuff it, Mike!" Toot snapped at her, but looked sultry to Xandir and put the ring in between her breasts. "Come and get it, big boy~"

Xandir looked extremely hesitant, even more than any other man would in that position, but came up to Toot anyway.

"Here, I'll get it," Mike butted in, much to Toot's annoyance, seeing how Xandir really didn't want to. For some odd reason, she seemed to not mind Toot's breasts, but tried to find the gold ring without looking and only used her fingers to use her sense of touch to get the ring for the video game hero. "Found it!" She handed the ring back to Xandir.

Xandir smiled, happily taking it as he 'powered up'. "That makes 100! Now I can jump with a spin!" He did just as he said what he could do with the ring.

Toot, Mike, and Captain Hero exchanged awkward glances. This made them all laugh. It was kind of a lame power-up. Even Ling-Ling was laughing.

'House guests, please report to the living room.' the producers on the intercom commanded like a principal in a public school.

Mike walked, wondering what was happening. "What's this about?"

"Since we've gone five days without a hate crime, we're rewarded with a new house item!" Wooldoor told her, beaming brightly. "I sure hope it's a new stereo."

"Yeah, I think ours has been handed down from the Flinstones." Mike gestured to the primitive record player with a pterodactyl to power it like in the ancient cartoon of Hanna-Barbera.

"Raw!" the flying dinosaur called before spinning the record. "It's a living..."

* * *

><p>'<em>Roomates,<em>' the producers spoke after everyone was seated in the living room. '_We would like to reward you with... A brand new, 33 inch plasma..._'

Everyone got excited, thinking it was a brand new TV. However, the curtains were raised to reveal something completely different.

'_Sewing machine!_'

"Booyah..." Captain Hero dully proclaimed.

"Cheer up, Mr. Hero," Wooldoor smiled regardless. "We could always sew a new television."

"That has to be the dumbest thing I heard since I taught those special ed classes," Spanky folded his arms. "Well, I could cheer for this... Kids could try harder..."

Ling-Ling was working at the sewing machine instantly like a professional. He had indeed sewn a television, much to everyone's surprise. There were even buttons for the television settings. Ling-Ling turned one of the knobs and turned it on like a real TV and Spanky was shown on the screen as a live recording of their episode for the week.

"Damn, that Asian thing sure can sew!" Spanky was impressed and grew Yen signs in his eyes like American cartoons with dollar signs. He even came up to the battle monster with a card. "Allow me to introduce myself... Spanky Ham... And you are?"

"My name Ling-Ling, dammit!" the battle monster screamed in instant anger and threw down the card. "Me live here long time and girl with boy name only understand me!"

"Well, Mr. Asian Gibberish, I got a business proposition with ya..." Spanky walked Ling-Ling out of the room.

"I don't like the sound of this..." Mike muttered. "So... A sewing machine... Neat... If only I had a use for one of these things..."

"One of us will get excited, you know who I'm talkin' about..." Captain Hero whispered to her with a smirk and looked to the video game character in the room. "The queer..."

"What's queer?" Mike asked.

"The male version of gay, you should know, cuz you're a little dyke."

"I'm _not _a lesbian..." Mike growled. "Besides, Xandir's not the type to be... Well, you know... Queer, whatever you call it..."

"Well, I for one am so glad we got a sewing machine," Xandir beamed. "I've been so looking forward to finishing my tea cozy..." He took out a purple teapot shaped house-like fabric. "Have you ever seen anything so adorable?"

Mike and Captain Hero exchanged glances with each other then.

"Xandir, I know it's none of my business... But... Are you... Gay?" Mike spoke up nervously.

"Captain Hero, stop influencing the youth, those jokes you make can be so hurtful!" Xandir sounded very sensitive about the subject.

"Come on, Xandir, we all know you're gay," Foxxy remarked. "You don't have to keep living a lie. You know, not everyone could tell I was black, I just tell everyone I fell into a vat of chocolate puddin'..." She then looked down to see Wooldoor licking her bare foot.

"Xandir, if you're gay, it's fine, even if some people think I am." Mike told the older boy with a small smile.

"Hellooo~" Xandir still refused to come out. "I'm on a never-ending quest to save my _girlfriend_! What more proof do you need?"

"How about this!?" Wooldoor spoke up and reached into his bottomless stomach and took out a board game entitled; 'Gay Test'.

"What's that?" Mike looked at the game in curiosity.

"It's a popular lie detector game where you find out if you're gay or not," Xandir took the game, growing intense. "And I'm gonna do it."

* * *

><p>Later, Wooldoor ran the lie detector while Xandir stood over Mike and Foxxy sitting on a bed with the series of questions that came with the game to determine whether the player is gay or not like the game insisted.<p>

"Okay, question number one," Foxxy read as Mike sat with her to help. "You gay?"

Xandir glared at her. "No!"

"Question two," Mike scooted over. "Homo say what?"

"First of all you two, I'm not an idiot," Xandir looked to them, hands on his hips. "I've heard that one like a million times! And secondly...Wait, what?"

Foxxy and Mike looked to each other with smirking giggles and laughed out loud, then settled themselves.

* * *

><p>"Now, tell Mama Foxxy the first thing you see." Mike said as she handed the papers to her adoptive mother.<p>

Foxxy took one out, nearly looking like an inkblot of a chicken.

"Cock." Xandir answered, he wasn't really wrong.

Foxxy took one out of a man.

"Willy."

Foxxy took one out of a Chinese man.

"Wang."

Foxxy took one out of Woody Woodpecker.

"Woody."

Foxxy took out another one.

"Wood."

And again.

"Pecker."

Foxxy took out one that Mike couldn't quite make out.

"Little Maine Custard Chucker."

Foxxy took one out of an old man with a cane.

"One-Eyed Wiggling Welshman."

Foxxy took out one of what looked like a sausage about to shoot a donkey in the butt and Xandir gave a very odd response. Later, everyone gathered for the final results.

* * *

><p>"Well, according to this game, you're real gay." Foxxy told him.<p>

"Well of _course_, Xandir's gay," Toot commented, then looked sultry again. "Why wouldn't he be attracted to all this?"

"Cuz you're fat and nobody likes fat chicks!" Wooldoor chuckled.

"Dude, _I_ like fat chicks..." Captain Hero muttered.

"Ah, it's okay, Toot, I'll still be your friend." Mike smiled.

Toot smiled. "If you weren't so nice to me, I'd deep fry you and smother you in chocolate."

Mike's eyes widened, then felt grateful that she became friends with Toot.

"Let me see that box!" Xandir swiped the game, getting a closer look. "Hey, this says this gay test is for ages six to twelve! It doesn't even apply to me!"

"I have an idea that would help Xandir, it's called the dangerous and deadly wood beast." Clara piped up.

Everyone looked to her.

"Let's do it!" Wooldoor beamed.

"Yeah, settle this mess once and for all." Xandir added.

"Uhh, you guys go ahead, I gotta do something alone first." Mike said softly.

"Alright, let's go." Toot said, leaving with the others.

"I didn't know orphans could masturbate..." Captain Hero remarked, about why Mike wanted to be alone.

Mike sighed, rolling her eyes, then shut the door after they left. She made sure to lock it, then put the box down and tried out the test for herself. Mike looked all around and did the tests, feeling very close. She then shut her eyes as she calculated her results and opened one, looking down. She tested positive...

"I... I _am _a lesbian..." Mike muttered, her heart sunk in her chest.

* * *

><p>The next day, Mike felt like she was having an identity crisis. She thought about her reputation. How would the people who once knew her think of her as being a lesbian now? She walked to talk with her new mother who would accept her no matter what, but saw she was with Clara and Spanky to get Xandir out of his room.<p>

"What happened?" Mike asked.

"The wood beast had determined that Xandir is indeed a homosexual." Clara informed of last night's ceremony the tomboy was excluded from.

"Xandir, come on out," Foxxy spoke up after knocking. "It's cool that you're gay, stop beating yourself up... I told Mike from the day I adopted her if she was, I would love her no matter what... I would just be very proud if she did end up to become a lesbian since I'm a bisexual."

Mike blinked, then smiled.

"Seriously, Xandir, it's not your place to punish yourself, it's God's." Clara added.

Mike and Foxxy glared at the princess then.

"Leave me alone!" Xandir moaned. "I'm taking another gay test!"

"What?" Foxxy's eyes widened, then scoffed. "The only test than man needs is a pregnancy test."

"Oh, great, now I got two problems." Xandir heard that and muttered.

"Man, this is some bulls***, we need to bash some sense into this child." Foxxy pounded her fist into her hand. "Gay Bash!"

"What's a gay bash?" Mike asked.

"Come on, we'll show ya." Spanky smirked.

* * *

><p>The others then grabbed Xandir out of his room and took him to the backyard of the house to show a party. There were many gay men, even transsexual drag queens. Mike looked around and saw despite what Clara said, that there were people that were actually happy to be gay. Even Snagglepuss and Elmer Fudd were there. Mike never thought them of all people would be gay. Captain Hero even met his evil counterpart there. Mike looked all around and accidentally bumped into someone on the way.<p>

"Hey, watch it!" a familiar voice snapped.

Mike's eyes then widened as she saw the source of the voice. "Marie Kanker!?"

"Mike!" The blue-haired Kanker sister from the cul-de-sac in Peach Creek called out. "What are _you _doing here?"

"I live here!" Mike defended a little. "Don't you watch reality television?"

"Nah, I've been trying to find myself a new place ever since you left the cul-de-sac," Marie informed. "After you left, I decided to tell Mom, Lee, and May that I came out as a lesbian... They didn't take it well, so I've been on the road ever since."

"Dang," Mike muttered. "I just found out last night I'm indeed a lesbian..."

Marie blinked. "And?"

"Well... You know... I didn't know until last night, I got adopted by Foxxy Love, she says she'll care about me no matter what, and-"

"Whoa, back up," Marie cut her off quickly. "What do you mean adopted? What happened to your parents?"

Mike then explained to Marie what had been happening to her lately. She didn't leave the cul-de-sac because she moved away. She found out that Chuck and Mikhali Swanson were not her real parents and they had adopted her when she was four and she had no memory because her real parents were murdered that time ago. Mike then placed herself in a foster home after having problems finding her biological family, but Chuck and Mikhali had mentioned having a biological older brother named James and an older sister name Jennifer.

"Wow, Mike..." Marie muttered. "You're a lot stronger than you look..."

"Yeah, and I'm a lesbian..." Mike sighed.

"So? What's wrong with being a lesbian?" Marie beamed. "Lesbians rule! We can get away with being gay because straight guys think it's hot!"

"Why _is _that?"

"I dunno, usually guys are a bunch of perverts... Hey, that one ponytail's a good look for you."

"Um, thanks..." Mike blushed a little.

Marie smiled. "Why don't I give you a makeover if you're so scared of being a lesbian because of your reputation?"

"Oh, Marie, I couldn't make you do that..."

Marie grabbed her arm. "I want to... Come on!" She pulled Mike into the house. "Which one's your room?"

"That one." Mike pointed to the door.

"Awesome," Marie pulled her in and put her in a chair in front of the bathroom mirror. "Mike, being gay is nothing to be ashamed of... Sure, I stood up for myself and got thrown out because of what I believed in, but nobody likes it, who cares what they say?"

Mike hummed with a shrug. "Maybe you're right."

"I won't cut off too much now..." Marie took out a pair of scissors and started to trim about in Mike's ginger hair.

Mike bit her lip as she watched her hair fall out. Even the pigtails were gone. She had always had those pigtails since first grade. Marie made the hair go down and cover Mike's ears.

"How do you like it?" Marie asked.

"It's okay, I guess..." Mike stroked some of her hair, it bouncing back to her ears. She felt like a surfer dude now.

"You guess?" Marie scoffed. "Come on, Mike, you need to cut loose! You always did that on that island you were always talkin' about!"

"Yeah, I always said sometimes you just gotta go with it." Mike stood next to her.

"Come on, let's get you some new clothes," Marie walked with Mike over to the closet and opened to see short-sleeved red T-shirts, red skirts, and red and white sneakers. "Jeez, is this a closet or a factory of the same stuff over and over?"

"That's all I got..." Mike informed.

"Uh-uh, what about this?" Marie took out a red-hooded sweatshirt.

"But it's not cold outside."

"Mike, do you wanna blend in with the crowd or not?"

"Uhh... Well..."

"Right, that's what I thought, let's get you new shoes too, ooh, and these jeans!" Marie collected all the clothes and threw them on Mike. "Perfect!"

Mike looked down and had to admit, it wasn't that bad a makeover. "Wow, thanks Marie..."

"Don't mention it." Marie smiled. "Come on, let's get our gay bash on!" She grabbed Mike's hand and pulled her back downstairs to outside as Xandir seemed to be having a lot of fun until another video game character came.

"Is that Pacman?" Mike blinked.

"Yeah, why do you think he always _eats _the ghosts?" Marie joked, laughing.

"Ah, Mike, glad to see you out and about, did you just come out of your closet?" Foxxy joked as she came to see Mike and Marie. "Oh, I see you got yourself a bitch."

Marie glared at her. "What did you just call me, you-"

Mike covered her mouth instantly. "Mama Foxxy, this is my old friend from the cul-de-sac, Marie Kanker... Marie, this is my new mother, Foxxy Love. She's a mystery solving musician."

Marie blinked, then smiled better. "Right..." She shook hands with Foxxy. "I guess you're surprised that I'm out, right?"

"Not really, I could guess based on your appearance..." Foxxy replied, sounding indifferent as she walked off.

"She must be a cool mom." Marie snorted.

"Yeah, pretty cool." Mike shrugged with a smile. "So good to see you again, Marie."

"Yeah," Marie smiled, then yawned and stretched. "Well, I guess I better get back to my hotel... I'll see you again later, okay?"

"Leaving so soon?" Mike sounded sad.

"Ah, don't worry, Mike, I'll be back... Don't ever forget me."

"I never will."

Marie grabbed her face. "I know you won't..." She then pulled Mike's lips hard against hers, then pulled back with a smile and went off to catch the bus that was in the house's driveway.

Mike sighed as she watched Marie leave just like that.

* * *

><p>The next morning, Mike saw Xandir, the house was a lot cleaner than it was before.<p>

"I can't call her..." Xandir paced.

"What's up, Xandir?" Mike asked.

"Oh, Mike, Foxxy says I should call my girlfriend and tell her, but I'm afraid to..."

"Come on, what've you got to lose? ...Besides your girlfriend?"

"I-I can't..."

"Xandir, she has a right to know," Mike told him. "I told Eddy."

Xandir heaved a sigh. "You're right... Say, that's a good look for you."

"Really?" Mike smiled as she bounced her new hair. "I think it feels like the real me..." She chuckled a bit.

Xandir quickly dialed the number of his girlfriend and gripped on the phone cord as he was going to tell her the news. It didn't go so well. A tear rolled down his cheek as the girl hung up.

"Oh, man..." Mike felt that burn. She then heard the doorbell ring.

Mike went to the door and opened it to see a little Asian boy. "Yes?"

"Is there a talking pig here?" the boy asked.

"SPANKY! DOOR FOR YOU!" Mike yelled out as she let the pig attend to it.

* * *

><p>Everyone else went in the kitchen while Xandir was depressed. It was tough enough to tell his girlfriend the news and now she didn't want to be rescued by him at all. Captain Hero was rambling, but Mike couldn't tell what about, she just ate crackers with Toot. There was then a yell heard.<p>

"Oh, no, Xandir!" Mike cried out as she ran with the others.

"Oh, my God!" Foxxy was startled as they came to see the boy on the pool floor, having stabbed himself and in a puddle of his own blood.

Xandir then suddenly faded away, but came right back and it was shown he had 50 lives.

"Ooh, lord, thank God you ain't dead for real-real!" Foxxy smiled. "Just for play-play!"

"Good-bye, cruel world!" Xandir took out his blade and chucked it into himself again, falling again, but transporting right back.

"Cartoon physics..." Mike muttered.

"This could take a while..." Xandir told the others as he attempted to commit suicide, wasting his lives away.

* * *

><p>Eventually, everyone got bored and Mike watched from her bedroom window. "He's down to 18!"<p>

STAB!

"Make that 17." Mike yawned.

"Come to bed, child..." Foxxy pulled Mike over and tucked her in, despite being 12-years-old. "Now, if Mama Foxxy catches you commitin' suicide, you're grounded until your bones turn to dust... And if you touch Mama Foxxy's Funions, you will _wish _you committed suicide."

"Yes, Mama Foxxy..." Mike bundled down into her bed to get to sleep like the others.

No one could sleep though. Everyone came downstairs in their pajamas and decided to stop it once and for all.

"Dammit Xandir, you're keeping us all awake!" Toot scolded. "Can't you kill yourself more quietly like Bizarro Captain Hero did?"

"Uhh... Yeah, right, killed himself... Sure..." Captain Hero muttered, but smiled innocently. "Tragic..."

Xandir decided to take one last blade to finally kill himself off this planet.

"Wait, wait, maybe instead of trying to kill yourself, maybe you could just try stop being gay?" Clara lightly suggested.

Mike and Foxxy glared at her.

"Clara, that's just stupid!" Foxxy snorted. "Being gay is something you're _born _with. Like red hair or dead parents," she gestured to Mike as an example.

"Yeah, it's not just something you can wish away." Mike added.

"That's it, black girl and her orphan lackey!" Clara beamed. "We'll just _wish _the gay away! All we need to do is find a genie in the lamp."

"That's a great idea, let's do it!" Xandir gushed.

"And where would we find this genie and lamp?" Mike asked.

"Come with me, I know the secret location with someone hiding it and I know his true and only weakness." Clara beamed.

* * *

><p>Later on, everyone met back. Clara had made muffins and they were for the person they were going to interrogate. The person was Wooldoor and instead of feeding the muffins to him, Clara hit him with the tray and demanded to be told the secret location.<p>

"Tell us where the lamp is, you lousy, lying, piece of shit!" Clara snapped.

"Lamp?" Wooldoor asked, rubbing his head as he got hit again. "I don't know what you're talking about!"

"Cigarette?" Xandir offered one as he lit one for himself.

Mike wrinkled her nose and waved her hand, shaking her head. Clara and Xandir were rather scary. They kept yelling at, abusing, and swearing at Wooldoor, but the 'whatchamacallit' gave in and admitted the lamp was locked in his butt. Mike looked away instantly as they were going to get the lamp out that way. The lamp was now taken out.

"That was gross," Mike took the lamp with gloves on her hands. "Is this gonna have a magical genie come out that makes references only my parents understand?"

"What else would a genie do, Mike?" Clara asked, like it was obvious.

"Whatever," Mike walked away from her hand the lamp to Xandir. "Here you go, Xandir... Hopefully this makes you happy, I guess..." She handed it to him and walked off.

* * *

><p>Foxxy was sitting on their bed in their room, reading a magazine, then looked over. "Hi, sweetie, how you doin'?"<p>

"Okay, I guess, Mama Foxxy," Mike lay next to her, wanting some kind of comfort like only a real mother could. "Mama Foxxy, you said you'd love me no matter what, right?"

"Of course I would, I'll be better than my own family was," Foxxy smiled as she wrapped her arm around Mike. "What's on your mind, baby?"

"It's about Marie from the gay bash last night," Mike looked up to her. "I took the gay test too... And I found out that... Well... I am gay... I mean, I'm a lesbian..."

"Well, of course you are," Foxxy smiled. "You wore boxers under that skirt you used to wear. I'm glad you told me and finally come to accept it."

"You mean, you knew I was a lesbian?" Mike looked up to her adoptive mother.

"Mothers know these things and I'm a lot more proud of you because of it," Foxxy smiled fondly. "Does Marie like you back?"

Mike shrugged with a smile. "I think so... She gave me this makeover... Plus, she was my first kiss. She got kicked out of her own home because she decided she liked girls instead of boys."

"Well, I don't know Marie, but if you can see her again, be sure to stay close and maybe even get married."

Mike beamed, hugging her adoptive mother again. "Thanks, Mama Foxxy, you're the best foster mother I ever had."

"And you're the best baby I'll ever have." Foxxy hugged her back tightly.


End file.
